I’m thinking about my life’s vision a lot, lately. I’m thinking about how to get there, which steps do I need to set, what do I need to do, and how can I do this. My vision is very clear, I feel it deeply in my heart. Every time I connect with it, I feel happy. So what keeps me from it?
Well, it’s my self-worth, or rather not enough of it. It’s the fear of being rejected, the fear of finding out that I’m not good enough, that I wasn’t made for it.
It all started a few years ago and has led me to a depressive episode and anxiety syndrome. I’m better now, but the fear is still here and my self-worth is still not great.
I know that I need to prove to myself that I can do this, that I’m worth it and the only way to get there is by doing it, by putting myself out there.
I never talk about it, but I have no job at the moment. It’s hard for me to tell people to hire me. But I want it, and I want it very much.
I want to write, translate literature, I want to support people in their creative endeavours as a coach. I want to work, I want be a hard-working creative glued to her desk. I want the long hours, I even want the back pain from sitting behind the computer.
So I’m not hiding anymore. I’m saying it all out loud, for everybody to hear. I’m here and I’m ready.