Don’t make me go out

I didn’t know how far on the introvert spectrum I was until I moved to the Netherlands. When I was still living in Poland I was surrounded by people. Friends, parties, going out to a pub or club was my daily life. I dreaded going to parties, but I still went. I very often wanted to stay home alone, but I called friends and asked them to come or went to visit them. That was how I was suppose to be, right? Social, fun, joining in.

When I moved to the Netherlands I was alone a lot and I loved it. The quiet, the time to myself, nobody expecting me to go anywhere. I was also living with a guy (he’s my husband now) who was always fine with staying home. He actually preferred it from going out. He’s a happy homebody and so am I.

When I was younger I always felt weird at the parties. I felt like I didn’t belong there, like I was standing on the sidelines. I knew that if I left quietly nobody would notice, but at the same time I didn’t want to leave, because I wanted to belong.

See, I don’t feel good in groups. I don’t know what’s expected from me and I don’t know what role I’m supposed to play. I want to be accepted, but I disassociate, because I’m not comfortable.

For years I was doing things against myself, but also for years now I’m allowed to be my homebody self. Thanks to social media I can have both worlds. I can stay home as much as I want to and stay in touch with people, meet knew people and even be social.

As one of my friends says, I love living in the future.