I have so many ideas, for the blog, for my Instagram, even for YouTube channel or podcast I don’t have. But I don’t follow up on them. I write them down, or not, and that’s where they live. In my notebook or in my head. They never see the light of day, they never get out into the world.
I’m not afraid of being judged, I’m not afraid of being criticised, I’m not afraid that people won’t like what I do. What I’m mostly afraid of is that I’ll be ignored, that nobody will read/watch/listen to what I have to say. That nobody will be interested in what I do.
I believe that being ignored is much worse than being rejected. Rejection gives me clarity, from there I can start again or change the course. Indifference is hard, I don’t know what to do, am I supposed to go on and wait for someone to notice or should I just stop?
That’s why my ideas don’t get realised. That’s why I have a notebook full of them and they never go beyond the page. The fear of being ignored is just a bit too much.
I know where it comes from and I know that the only way to get over it, is to do all those things I want to do and see what happens. But I’m afraid that I can’t survive the indifference. That it will kill all the ideas in me. That I will let go of my dreams.
I need to try though. I have to give myself and my dreams a chance. A chance of being seen, a chance of not being ignored, a chance to live the life I always wanted to live.