Sometimes I’m tired of knocking on doors

Sometimes I feel tired. Tired of fighting, of trying to convince people that I know what I’m doing, that I know what I want. Those are the moments when I wish that everything was easy, that work proposal fell into my lap, that someone would e-mail me and say ‘Hey, would you please write/translate/edit this book for us? We love your work.’

Sometimes I want to be discovered. I want the story we so often see on the gram. I want someone to contact me, instead of me contacting them.

I know the world doesn’t work this way and that I need to keep going, but I’m just so tired of always fighting for the things I want in life, of struggling, of not even being rejected, but simply ignored.

In this real world, where people don’t knock on your door with offers of work and book contracts I wish they at least answer my e-mails. I wish I wasn’t feeling like I’m screaming into the void. I wish that changing career paths was easier, that people understood that me looking for something different to my previous experience was something I carefully thought about.

In this real world I know I’ll keep going, I’ll keep knocking on those doors, because I hope that there is someone who listens, who is ready to give me a chance.

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