Getting what I want

“You always get what you want.” – I’ve heard this quite a few times in my life. I don’t know where this opinion came from, because I feel like I’m constantly boxing with life. Nothing came easy to me. Everything I’ve got was worked for and fought for.

I wish it was easier, I often wish things were handed to me, that I could just say what I want and it was there, that opportunities presented itself to me, that everything went always my way. But my life was never like this, I’m not one of those people. I’m not even sure people like that really exist.

At the moment I’m tired. Of fighting, of working hard for what I want, of having to be strong. I’ve read somewhere that this tiredness, weariness, means that the breakthrough is near. I certainly hope so, because I’m not sure how much strength I still have in me.

Sometimes it feels like the world is telling me “we don’t want you here.” But I’m not going anywhere, not yet, so I have to keep convincing it that I deserve a chance. Only, why is it so damn hard?

I’m tired, I know I’ll feel better at some point, but for now this is where I am.