Feeling alive

I haven’t felt like that for a long time. Alive, content, calm, not wishing to be someone else or somewhere else, even though I’m still not having everything I need. It took me a while to get to this place. First, I left the job that was bad for me. It broke my heart, because when I started working there four years prior, it was a great organisation to work for. But things change and not always for the better. About a year later we moved from Haarlem and the busy west of the Netherlands to a small village in the east, almost on the Dutch-German border. These were the two most important steps that led to the biggest change.

I started writing again. Everyday I sit at my desk and write. I set the ForestApp on my phone and write for an hour in a company of another writer, via Zoom. We meet every weekday, say hello to each other, turn off our mics and write. And it has changed my life.

After a few months of writing regularly I realised that not doing it was the biggest cause of my unhappiness. It was that simple and it was staring me in the face this whole time, I just couldn’t see it. Now that I know that to feel good I just need to write, I know I’m never stopping again. It’s so important to use our creativity, to follow our path.

This last few months brought so much change, I’ve never felt this present in my daily life. I’ve never felt this much acceptance for myself and where I am in life. This is who I am, this is what I’m supposed to be doing, this is the life I’m prepared to fight for.

Sometimes I just wish I’ve realised all this a little bit sooner. And still, I choose to trust the timeline of this beautiful life of mine.



2 thoughts on “Feeling alive

  1. I am old enough to say that priorities change with age. What was very important at the age of 20-30-40 is now becoming ridiculous. But that’s how it should be. People in productive age see the world differently, they want to change it and feel life. You seek, change and feel life because the world belongs to you (still).

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    1. I wouldn’t say it’s the age, I’d say it’s the circumstances and experiences. What I experienced at the age of 20 many never experience in their whole life. Also I wouldn’t be able to change my priorities if I did not get better first and my age has nothing to do with it.

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