I like my slow mornings, but I think I’ve become a little bit too good at them. I need to speed them up a little bit. It takes me too long to get to my desk and the longer it takes the more difficult it becomes.
I have work to do. I need to work. Work is good for my head. I want to work hard, a want to be busy. I need that too.
I know that structure is good for me, and that sitting around and just being is not. When I’m not busy, I tend to think too much. And overthinking causes anxiety.
I actually feel best when I just go and do stuff, without thinking too much about it. That’s how I used to be. When I wanted something, I simply worked for it. Even if I wasn’t sure if it will work out, if it’s within my reach. I just did it. I had Pippi Longstocking approach “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.”
I’m getting there. I’m almost back at my old self, but it’s still work in progress. But I want to get there, so I will.
Every morning one of my cats, Jack, will ask my attention at the table. He’ll circle my chair, complaining loudly, until I pull the chair next to me from under the table. He’ll jump on it and request my attention. So I drink my tea with him at least until he settles to sleep.
A few months ago he wanted to sit on my lap, which was lovely, but not very practical. Eating breakfast with him on my lap was a challenge as he was trying to steal my eggs or parts of my sandwich. So I’m happy he discovered the chair next to me.
He’ll stay there as long as I’m sitting at the table. Sometimes a little bit longer, but in the mornings he tends to follow me around the house. He’ll move with me to the sofa when I sit there to do some reading. He’ll follow me to the kitchen when I clean up. He’ll even follow me to the toilet.
So when I go upstairs to work he’ll sit by the door downstairs and tell me, very loudly, how he doesn’t agrees with me not taking him with me. Sometimes I do. Then they both come up and stay in the room with me. They’ll lie down on the sofa bed and sleep. But they’re happy because they’re close to me and can always ask for my attention.